Saturday, September 16, 2006
I am mentally drained
I am damn sianz lar. Been feeling so tried for the last few days. Think I am quite troubled this time round. Think in life, there will always be ups and downs. Perhaps people would think that it makes one's life interesting and exciting. But I would say, "I am really sick and tired." I just hope everything would stop right here. I thought I will stop feeling emotional. I realise that I had been trying to keep my mind occupied just to change my focus. It was really ineffective. I felt really troubled again. i told myself not to look back. However, I could not help but to feel that way. Think I had never felt so stongly about things before. I am realy damn sianzzz.. HATE that sort of feelings. Why am I so emotional?? Curiosity just made me wanna read that particular blog. Haizzzz.. I regret it. Spoil my mood.
Even school had been giving me a headache. I felt quite drained out also. All the projects and quizes are coming up liao. I felt quite stress up. It is not the workload that I am stressed about, but rather my inability to do things at my own pace and at my own standard. Haizzz.. I would have to admit that I am quite slow and stupid. I take some time to grasp certain concepts. I am computer idoit. I am also damn slow when it comes to applying what I had learnt in projects.I felt the upcoming pressure once again. I felt that I am unable to learn at my own pace as everyone around me are so smart. I ever told people that my being slow had to be compensated with my hard work. Haizzz.. But at this point of time, I just do not have the motivation to put in hard work. I am feeling quite lost.
There were times when I thought of quitting school. I just could not stand the pressure, which comes in many forms. I felt that a university education really do not suit me. It is suuitable for people who are zai and not people like me. It even came to one point when I even told my sister that I seriously want to quit school. Think there will be people who will be damn shocked that such thoughts actually cross my mind. I seriously did think it through.
After much thinking, I realise that I cannot give up just like that. I really need to be grateful of the fact that God gave me a chance to start all over again in my sec 2 days, when no one except my parents believe in me at that point of time. They were the ones who stood by my side in my darkest moments when I am left all alone, having to bear my own consequences of my act. I am really lousy in striking a balance in the various aspects of my life. I really hope I can overcome it soon.
I am so damn tired liao. Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Sianzz..
Even school had been giving me a headache. I felt quite drained out also. All the projects and quizes are coming up liao. I felt quite stress up. It is not the workload that I am stressed about, but rather my inability to do things at my own pace and at my own standard. Haizzz.. I would have to admit that I am quite slow and stupid. I take some time to grasp certain concepts. I am computer idoit. I am also damn slow when it comes to applying what I had learnt in projects.I felt the upcoming pressure once again. I felt that I am unable to learn at my own pace as everyone around me are so smart. I ever told people that my being slow had to be compensated with my hard work. Haizzz.. But at this point of time, I just do not have the motivation to put in hard work. I am feeling quite lost.
There were times when I thought of quitting school. I just could not stand the pressure, which comes in many forms. I felt that a university education really do not suit me. It is suuitable for people who are zai and not people like me. It even came to one point when I even told my sister that I seriously want to quit school. Think there will be people who will be damn shocked that such thoughts actually cross my mind. I seriously did think it through.
After much thinking, I realise that I cannot give up just like that. I really need to be grateful of the fact that God gave me a chance to start all over again in my sec 2 days, when no one except my parents believe in me at that point of time. They were the ones who stood by my side in my darkest moments when I am left all alone, having to bear my own consequences of my act. I am really lousy in striking a balance in the various aspects of my life. I really hope I can overcome it soon.
I am so damn tired liao. Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Sianzz..
