Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Am I a pushover
Haizzz... I am really a pushover in every aspects of my life. Feeling so lousy and down right now. I HATE myself for being like that, really I do. I hate it when I am being taken forgranted just because I am a man pleaser. I think this weakness of mine will lead me to my downfall; being unable to pull through difficulties. I really do not know what to do. I was ambitious this holidays. I wanted to achieve many things. But sometimes I wonder if I am overdoing it. Think I will be giving up one of my tution girl who often take me forgranted since I hate the feeling so much.
Haizzz.. I honesty thought I have overcame things which is close to my heart. But I realise that keeping myself busy had made me avoided certain thoughts. Now I started to think about it day and night. It is all coming back again. Hmmm, perhaps it is good for me to feel like that? Feeling the past once again is a rather strange. As much as it is something I desire, it is also something that I avoid. Hmmmm, wad a paradox right?
Haizzz.. There are people who feels that my thinking is rather wierd. Hmmm, but isn't that human nature? We are all complex little beings on earth who had to balance out everything in our lives. Should I be someone who heck everything in the world? Hmmmm, I really dunno if that is the life I am trying to lead or whether I will feel happy being that. I am totally confused at this point of time.
Think what is important for me to deal with this holidays is probably my relationship with God. Hmmmm.. Perhaps I really need to work on it. People will fail me but God will not. But actually I realise that it had came to one point of time when I am so afraid to even listen to the truth. I tend to avoid as I realise that I just do not want to get too deep with my emotions and I do not want people to know too much. Haizzz.. I find it a challenge to pull through again. It is not that I have no confidence in God but I have no confidence in myself.
A few days back, I tried to search my name on Blogger and realise that people can easily get to know my blog address. Haizzzz.. Now I have t change blog address once again. And I need to find out how to blog in a way that no one will actually know my adress except my closer friends. We usually blog so that close friends will know what is going on in your life and reading it seems to be as a form of catching up with one another. Haizzz.. I am waiting for JW to help me with it as I need to completely change my blog skin and adress to something that is so not like me. Booo..
Haizzz.. I honesty thought I have overcame things which is close to my heart. But I realise that keeping myself busy had made me avoided certain thoughts. Now I started to think about it day and night. It is all coming back again. Hmmm, perhaps it is good for me to feel like that? Feeling the past once again is a rather strange. As much as it is something I desire, it is also something that I avoid. Hmmmm, wad a paradox right?
Haizzz.. There are people who feels that my thinking is rather wierd. Hmmm, but isn't that human nature? We are all complex little beings on earth who had to balance out everything in our lives. Should I be someone who heck everything in the world? Hmmmm, I really dunno if that is the life I am trying to lead or whether I will feel happy being that. I am totally confused at this point of time.
Think what is important for me to deal with this holidays is probably my relationship with God. Hmmmm.. Perhaps I really need to work on it. People will fail me but God will not. But actually I realise that it had came to one point of time when I am so afraid to even listen to the truth. I tend to avoid as I realise that I just do not want to get too deep with my emotions and I do not want people to know too much. Haizzz.. I find it a challenge to pull through again. It is not that I have no confidence in God but I have no confidence in myself.
A few days back, I tried to search my name on Blogger and realise that people can easily get to know my blog address. Haizzzz.. Now I have t change blog address once again. And I need to find out how to blog in a way that no one will actually know my adress except my closer friends. We usually blog so that close friends will know what is going on in your life and reading it seems to be as a form of catching up with one another. Haizzz.. I am waiting for JW to help me with it as I need to completely change my blog skin and adress to something that is so not like me. Booo..
