Friday, June 03, 2005
Avoidance is the best policy
I hate the feeling of having to guess and think, realising that it is horrible when one knows more. Perhaps, avoiding is the best as I will feel happier. Anyway, feeling like that in the first place is already not very right. Guess perhaps not even thinking and chasing it out of my life will do me better. But it is an avoidance and I am not overcoming it. Somehow avoidance is good as I feel less but then I do not feel good avoiding too. I do not want to know about certain things but somehow I am am curious to know it which I know it isn't helping me much. Hate it. I am a failure.
Is that the real me? Till now I am still searching desperately for my identity and feeling really lost. I feel that when it comes to emotions wich is rather unavoidable, I am really bad in dealing with it. When can I ever overcome it? Unless my heart is harden.
Anyway, trying to think of things that will cheer me up. I am really happy that my mum is picking up today and she finally regain a bit of her momentum to do her work. Hope that she will continue from here and not stop there again feeling stagnent and down. Believe that she can. I am really grateful to God for blessing me with such an awesome fmily whom I believe will always be there for me when I needed them most. I am blessed with family and I cannot possibly expect perfection in my life. I am bound to experience failure in terms of feelings. Perhaps I should try to cope with it and learn how to feel differently.
I want to sort out my thoughts. But then no one can understand me. Only wierd people like me is bound to think this way. I do not know if I am the only one thinking like that. Haiz... I want to change. I do not like what I am right now.
Haiz... Enough of these boring stuff. Sad that cindy will leave us tml. It is really a pity. Anyway I wish her best and hope that everything will go on fine with her.
God, please help me. I really really do not know what to do with my life
Is that the real me? Till now I am still searching desperately for my identity and feeling really lost. I feel that when it comes to emotions wich is rather unavoidable, I am really bad in dealing with it. When can I ever overcome it? Unless my heart is harden.
Anyway, trying to think of things that will cheer me up. I am really happy that my mum is picking up today and she finally regain a bit of her momentum to do her work. Hope that she will continue from here and not stop there again feeling stagnent and down. Believe that she can. I am really grateful to God for blessing me with such an awesome fmily whom I believe will always be there for me when I needed them most. I am blessed with family and I cannot possibly expect perfection in my life. I am bound to experience failure in terms of feelings. Perhaps I should try to cope with it and learn how to feel differently.
I want to sort out my thoughts. But then no one can understand me. Only wierd people like me is bound to think this way. I do not know if I am the only one thinking like that. Haiz... I want to change. I do not like what I am right now.
Haiz... Enough of these boring stuff. Sad that cindy will leave us tml. It is really a pity. Anyway I wish her best and hope that everything will go on fine with her.
God, please help me. I really really do not know what to do with my life
